REAL FRIENDS RAISE US UP!
- Written by Eric North aka “The Happiness Warrior”
Just thinking about a friend makes you want to do the happy dance, because a friend is someone who loves you in spite of your faults—Charles Shultz
Of all the wonderful gifts that life provides us, true friends are the best gift of all. One of the greatest lessons that we can learn in life is the importance of close or “virtuous” friendships and how they become the family that we choose. They have similar values, morals, and best of all they believe in our dreams. With close friends, our lives become intertwined and take on more meaning. We might not see them often, but when we do see each other it feels as if we were never apart. Close friends become our chosen “family” and take a very meaningful long-term place in our lives.
The Japanese have a term for this called “kenzoku”, which when translated means family. The true definition has greater depth, but the underlying meaning is a bond between humans sharing the same experience, people who are joined together with similar values, morals, and sense of destiny.
It signifies camaraderie, the “family that you choose” and the family that you share your life with.
Other, equally important friends come into our lives for brief or finite periods of time and have great importance in the moment. They provide us with lessons and are beneficial in helping us grow and survive. Good friends instinctively know when we need someone to lift us up. Sometimes, we have friends that just make us smile and give us pleasure, but the bond isn’t strong, and they fade in and out of our lives or continue their journey elsewhere. These friendships are often utilitarian and/or give us pleasure. Whereas close friendships are lasting and make us thrive, give us feedback about our lives that help us improve and feel happy in their presence and with ourselves.
When I was young, I stuttered giving me self-esteem issues that started at home but continued in school. I had trouble fitting in, was standoffish, and spent a lot of time on my own reading or with my dog. We moved often, my parents had an unstable marriage; and I went through a lot of friendships. I never had the pleasure or understanding of what it meant to have a true friend until my late teenage years. I had neighborhood friends to play sports or games with but no one that I trusted enough to share my inner-most thoughts and dreams. As I grew older, the stutter faded away and my confidence in myself grew. I started seeking friends with similar values and interests. Finally, in my college years I learned what good friendships were all about with several deep friendships that last until this day. At this point in my life, I can honestly believe that all my successes and accomplishments wouldn’t have been as rewarding or meaningful without the support of my close friends who love and encourage me, despite my many faults!
Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future--Unknown
Taking a good look at our own friendships is a good way to see ourselves with more clarity. We can practice greater self-awareness when take a step back and look at ourselves as reflection of the people in our lives. A true friend is a mirror of how we see ourselves and they show us our strengths and weaknesses. True friends make us laugh, allow us to trust, and have a great interest in our happiness and well-being. True friends can be away for long periods of time and feel like you were never apart as soon as you see each other. True friends give you a warm feeling when you think about them, no matter where you are.
My true friends feel the same pride and joy for me as I do for them and we encourage each other to do better. We honor one another and celebrate each other’s wins and triumphs. We raise each other up, comfort and love each other when we experience hardships and difficulties. True friends are always on equal terms, and one person is not above another. A true friend will never be jealous of you or want to take advantage of you in any way! Good friends celebrate the best in us and keep us motivated to be our best.
REAL FRIENDS AND THE LAW OF ATTRACTION
Aristotle classified friendships as three types: virtuous (real friends), utilitarian (useful friends) and pleasure friends (lovers or people we see for games or entertainment)
The more authentic and self-aware we are the more we’ll be able to attract like-minded and virtuous friends. I recommend considering “The Law of Attraction” to make this easier and more rewarding:
Step 1: What kind of friend do you want to attract?
Step 2: Open up your life for others to take part.
Step 3: Ask the universe, what kind of friend are you looking for?
Step 4: Use and look for affirmations.
Step 5: Show gratitude
Virtuous friendships focus on uplifting others for unselfish reasons, more tolerance for the shortcomings of others, greater stability for others, a sense of morality and ethics, respect for others.
Virtuous or “real” friends:
1. Encourage us to be more accepting of who we are.
2. They can tell us when we’re wrong.
3. Are present in our lives.
4. They listen and aren’t focused only on themselves
5. They support us in times of adversity
6. They help us handle stress better.
7. They keep us humble
8. They have your best interest in mind with honesty and support
9. They make friendships a priority
10. They practice forgiveness
11. They encourage us to be better people.
12. They want you to be happy.
UTILITARIAN FRIENDSHIIPS
A utilitarian friendship is one where another person is good for us or useful in some way. These can be rewarding, and almost feel like virtuous friendships, but only last for as long as we get something that we need. Most of our friendships are utilitarian in nature and should be recognized as such. They can end on good terms and be brought to life again as needed. The best utilitarian friendships are those where both parties mutually benefit and thrive.
PLEASURE FRIENDSHIPS
In a friendship of pleasure, one party takes an advantage of another. People love another not for the sake of who the other person is but for the pleasure they gain from them. This relationship kind of friendship ends when one party is no longer useful or pleasant to the other.
TOXIC FRIENDS
Toxic friends are easy to identify: they gossip, lack self-awareness, are jealous, and suffer from poor self-esteem. Toxic friends usually lack self-awareness and are intent on destroying other’s confidence and creating dependence. They seek to destroy our friendships and family relationships to maintain control. Toxic friends are abusive and understanding that and learning to give ourselves permission to remove them can be the life change that we need and deserve to be happier.
BE A CLOSE FRIEND TO YOURSELF AND YOU HAVE BETTER FRIENDSHIPS
The first thing that anyone needs to do before making a good friend is to be a “true friend to yourself” When we feel good about who we are, others are attracted to our energy and vitality. Be the person that you want to be and change the world for the better by your actions. Do this and watch your life become the magical journey that it’s meant to be.