Practicing joyful perfectionism
- Written by Eric North aka “The Happiness Warrior”
I’ve always thought that one of the most magnificent things about being human is our ability to discover things which we are passionate about and learn to do them well. A joyful mindset in which we are able to hone our ability to think freely, display our skills, and reveal our innate powers. Happy and fulfilled in doing our best and being our best selves. Creating the art of our dreams and visions. Taking the time to feel connected and enlivened with gratitude and fulfillment. The graceful art of refinement and intention showcased in our constantly evolving reinvention.
In a world where the ordinary is often celebrated, perfectionists and high achievers are there to help raise our collective hope and vibration. Realizing that perfection is an unattainable goal. While doing our best to create the lives of our dreams. The great awakening that comes when we realize that it’s in our imperfections that we find our greatest strength. Making our way through the chaos in our ability to understand what perfection means and find fulfillment in our self-created powers.
When I was growing up I realized at a very young age that I was different from the kids around me. I saw things with a different perspective and always sought the truth. I had friends and tried to fit in, but there was always a yearning to escape and break free. A sense that there was more to learn than in the narrow confines of my upbringing. A growing thirst for adventure and wandering on my own. A desire to be my best in all that I did and explore the world freely. A mindset and attitude that would sometimes stumble. Understanding what it meant to be hurt and feel broken.
It was in my lowest points in which I developed the resilience and mindset to forge my own way. I knew that the only way forward was to be my best in everything that I accomplished. I practiced joyful perfectionism in all that I did. As a means of survival and staying close to my core values. I knew that one day I would live in my truth, but I had to be someone that I could respect. My life happiness and fulfillment grew and my life began to soar.
It took many decades and chapters in my life to fully come to terms with understanding myself and my need to set things right. I had learned to just be and live in the present. I developed the ability to let things be and trust in the universe to guide my actions. I became the most perfect version of myself. A self-created version of what it means to be that only we can define for ourselves.
People who thrive best with a perfectionist mindset generally exemplify the following qualities in their attitudes and habits:
1. They set goals, work to meet them, and consciously strive to do better.
2. They’re self-motivating and are programmed to help others overcome adversity and achieve success.
3. They set standards with high expectations and recognize that others might not share the same ideals.
4. They are able to see themselves with greater clarity and self-awareness. They’ve realized through trial and error that perfectionism pays too high a price.
5. They are always pushing themselves forward and seeking new challenges. They know that the more flexible they are the better their opportunities and choices.
DOWNFALLS OF PERFECTIONISM
One of the greatest triumphs we have as humans is our ability and desire to do things at our best. To create the best of ourselves by using our innate abilities and gifts. We seek perfectionism when it doesn’t actually exist. We push ourselves to new extremes to be our best without fail. We strive to be perfect without revealing our truth and authenticity. In a life with so many choices, perfectionism is how we make the choice to be our best without need for validation. A feeling that comes when we know that all that matters is that we are happy and fulfilled in our thoughts and actions.
Perfectionism is often misunderstood or maligned as a personality defect. We tend to see perfectionist as people who are:
1. Too rigid and exemplifies an all or nothing mindset. This tends to nullify all of the hard work or training that went into the project and provides a feeling of emptiness. Not everything has to be perfect or better than someone else. Being our “own worst enemy” is never a healthy or happy approach to life. Learn the difference between doing our best and not doing good enough.
2. Perfectionists tend to be highly critical of ourselves and often extend this to others. This creates nothing but further isolation and unhappiness and doesn’t provide solutions to or solve problems. This is how we lose friendships and allies. No one likes to hear critical words that lead to feelings of inequity or division. Perfectionists are often difficult and overbearing, know when to keep feelings private and deal with them later. What might seem urgent right this minute is best considered with measure. Take a moment and be silent and release the poison of impatience.
3. Perfectionists are often driven by fears of failure without realizing the lessons that come from obstacles and public discussion. Too often they are hiding from themselves and hold back their desires out of fear that they won’t be good enough to achieve them. Life is best played as a game where the pieces are constantly moving.
4. Setting unrealistic standards can cause us to lose before we’ve even begun. I believe that the best way forward is to consciously allow our dreams to become real in our mindset and daily actions. Each day is a step forward to create momentum and direction. Incremental goals met and accomplished will build a stronger wave of enthusiasm and self-validation.
5. Perfectionists often focus only on the results and not the process. A good leader or warrior will be able to appreciate the lessons learned and skills that were gained in the inception and be grateful for the acquired wisdom. The way to create happiness is to live in the present while engaged in the process. Take it a step further and seek to create with an authentic voice and vision. Perfectionism can be sublime when we are to create mastery in our lives.
6. Not meeting goals can cause perfectionists to feel depressed or unhappy. This is the result of placing too much pressure on ourselves to succeed without taking into account the variables of our failure. Note that while the outcome might not be what we’ve envisioned but through our efforts we might produce something perfect as a result.
7. Fear of failure or judgment from others is one of the greatest barriers for most perfectionists. Rather than thinking of life as an adventure with many exciting challenges, they look for the negatives and shut down their progress. So much of our lives is lived in a paradigm of requiring validation from others. Look inward and find the roots of our inner happiness and use it to change course or direction.
8. Perfectionists will often worry too much about the chance for failure that they’ll set their dreams and ambitions aside. They worry too much about things that will never happen and aren’t able to feel confidence in their abilities. This can cause us to procrastinate and gather further regrets. The best way to combat this feeling is to consciously break through comfort levels and do the hard work that it takes to grow and thrive.
9. Appearing less than perfect is a fear of insecurity and those with low self-esteem. They have yet to escape our societal trap of conforming and shame-based control. They live in need of approval from others. Even those that they don’t like or respect. True freedom comes when we are able to be true to our perfectionism without fear of failure or regret.
10. High achievers tend to be happier with themselves and have high self-esteem. They know without a doubt that they aren’t perfect, but they are constantly striving to do their best. They know that they can be better each day, and always give themselves for their achievements and creations. They seek to be joyfully perfect but are able to laugh at themselves when they screw up and start over again.
THE UPSIDE OF PERFECTIONISM
To see others excel can be breathtaking, but there’s a sublime feeling of confidence and contentment that comes when we are competent and confident in the scope of our output and actions. As humans we are at our best when we help others and give ourselves permission to be an example. To know without fail that we are doing our best in every situation. Loving who we are and living without guilt or indecision. A liberated mindset of forgiveness and self-love. A feeling of fulfillment when we know we’ve done our best and accept our reality. Being able to stop and move on when our efforts have been exhausted. The great realization that perfectionism is just a tool and not a way of life.
There are always those people we know who strive to be perfect in everything they do. They are hard to watch with their nervous energy and competitive behavior. They usually require too much energy and drain the time and resources of those around them. They stop at nothing to fill the empty void ahead of them. One conquest after another without regard to the damage they inflict on those around them.
We are all perfect in one way or another. How we define perfectionism is up to us and ours alone to determine. There’s no right way or wrong way as long as we are consciously trying to be our best and make the most of our lives. We can be perfect in our imperfections and all that matters is the efforts we’ve made. All humans deserve to be happy and live our lives honestly. Never let anyone else make our decisions for us and learn to think freely. Know that perfection is there for all of us to experience. Make the right choices and see how well it improves our lives!
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