How to have a healthy ego
- Written by Eric North aka “The Happiness Warrior”
Self-acceptance and self-approval are the primary keys to positive changes in all areas of life. Criticism locks us into the very pattern we are trying to change. Being understanding and kind to ourselves helps us achieve change. — Louise Hay.
Have you ever thought about what it would be like to live a happier and more balanced life but always feel like your ego gets in the way? This may sound like something negative, but the good news is that if you think like this you probably have a healthy ego that just needs to be recognized and understood!
People with healthy egos tend to have a strong sense of self-awareness and positive self-esteem. Egos are built through tests of our character, beliefs, how we handle obstacles, and strengths. As the Happiness Warrior, I want to help you understand both the joy in life that comes from when we understand and respect the power of our ego and learn to love our true selves.
Enhancing our self-esteem is something that becomes easier when we learn to love ourselves without fear of judgment or shame from others. The greater our self-esteem the more conscious we are of the power of our ego and why it’s the guiding force in our development, growth, fulfillment, and happiness.
All too often in this fast paced and constantly changing world it’s easy to get caught up in ourselves that we forget to live in the present and give little thought to our personal needs. Happiness within ourselves and who we are begins when we understand how to channel our ego and use it as a reliable guide and not a self-centered driving force in our lives.
Once we can do this, we can create the intentional lives that we want and desire without losing our way in a spiral of unhealthy emotions and behaviors. Living an intentional life with ambitions that we act upon is a sign of a balanced and healthy emotional state. Intention creates the change we want and helps us live the lives we dream about!
WHAT IS A QUIET AND HEALTHY EGO?
A quiet ego indicates healthy self-esteem with which we can acknowledge our limitations and are not afraid to show our vulnerability. In this way we don’t resort to defensiveness, feeling threatened, and defining our self-worth on the assumptions of others. People who have quiet egos are surer of themselves and don’t live their lives for the sake of others.
Qualities of a well-balanced and optimally balanced ego are being less judgmental, less illusionary, and fewer boundaries between you and the rest of the world.
Here are five steps to develop a quieter and more balanced ego:
1. Make the realization that the world doesn’t revolve around you and that everything is connected. The world does not revolve around one person.
2. Listen more and speak with thoughtfulness and reserve. This is a characteristic of an effective leader.
3. Acknowledge personal insecurities and stop feeling the need to be defensive. We are not our egos, thoughts, or emotions. Learn to forgive yourself and forgive others for not understanding you. No one else lives in your head but you!
4. Observe your ego in action and ask yourself if that’s the part of you that you wish to share? (Opinions, public outbursts, fears, emotions, limitations)
5. Understand that as humans’ self- awareness is always expanding either consciously or unconsciously. We are always growing and expanding whether we like it or not. Resistance to change is the path to unhappiness and feeling disconnected with others.
I know from experience that my ego can be my downfall and could cause me to feel let down and disappointed. Recently I went through a painful accident, major surgery, and began the road to recovery and full use of my legs again. It all happened very quickly, and I didn’t have much time to reflect until I was out of surgery and began to regain consciousness. I knew that accidents could happen to anyone but in my subconscious thoughts I knew that there was meaning and a deeper understanding of myself that I needed to uncover. I began to think about my ego and its detrimental effects on my choices and former life events. Even now at this age, my ego had played a role in the scope of my injuries, and I knew that my healing period would give me the perspective and balance that I needed.
When I was able to consider the power of my and let go, I was able to receive and be more grateful for the help that I was receiving to heal my body. It was a humbling time in my life where I found great meaning and purpose. I feel a stronger and deeper level of empathy for the courage that it takes to be disabled. No one expects to be disabled, life happens and how we treat others says a lot about ourselves and our ego.
Ask yourself these questions to better understand your ego and discover your truth:
--What activities make you happy and are you devoting enough time to doing them and feeling happy?
--What activities in your life make you unhappy? Do they make you feel guilt or resentment?
--Note the necessary activities that we need to do to survive and function such as work, grocery shopping, banking, and cleaning. If these are non-negotiable, can we lessen our ego and make them a happier experience?
HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOU’RE EMOTIONS ARE HEALTHY
When our emotions are not ego driven, we experience feelings of contentment and feel like life has an optimal balance. We’re happy with our life, relationship, career, and purpose. We make choices that are intentional to improve ourselves and gather wisdom. When we’re more at peace and feel a sense of fulfillment we will receive better choices and make better decisions in life. This also creates charisma or “light” that helps us to connect with others and build community. It helps to raise our vibration and connect with others on the same journey of self-awareness. When we can easily see the good in others, we manifest the enlightenment that helps change the world around us for the better.
We no longer need the approval of others or the group to be happy with ourselves. We make choices that make us happy and keep us aligned with our core values.
Others will notice our radiance and self-confidence. We will attract people with similar mindsets and sense of purpose.
We learn the power of saying “no” and instead adding more value and joy in our lives. Try looking at life as a magical adventure with its share of setbacks and happiness.
We don’t need the approval of others to feel good about ourselves. We can remove ourselves from our ego and feel complete, live in our truth, feel respect, and love ourselves more.
We accept that life is imperfect, change is constant, and feel happiness in our ability to overcome dark times and live in the knowledge that life is good when our mindset is focused on intention and self-belief.
REMOVE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
Nothing is more helpful for maintaining and developing a healthy ego than consciously removing negative self-created emotions and thoughts from our daily lives. It can be a difficult spiral to break out away from with each small step leading to a healthier and more balanced ego.
We will always have negative thoughts, but how we process, disable, and compartmentalize them makes it easier to remove them from our consciousness.
A great way to better understand where negative thoughts come from is to take a moment to reflect on the cause of the negative thought? Are we trying to protect or prevent ourselves from change or adversity, or is something rooted deeper in our earlier lives that we haven’t dealt with or processed fully? This is a way to remove fear and makes it easier to turn the negative thought into a place of gratitude for how much good we have in our lives and reflect on our actions.
Acknowledging negative thoughts aloud is a great way to hear how silly and unfounded they are. This creates the compartmentalization needed to make negative thoughts smaller; gradually replacing them with positive words or affirmations. The lesson that we learn is that by making negative thoughts smaller we reduce their power and importance.
When we live our lives in the present and focus on where we are at that time and how we’re feeling we can begin to remove the self-inflicted wounds that we create when our egos rule our emotions.
There’s much more beauty in the world with a self-created mindset that values the importance of our feelings which are harmonious with our inner voice. When we are authentic and free of shame and guilt, our ego doesn’t define us. We’re happier and more at peace with ourselves when we live in the bright light that comes when we live in alignment with our truth. When we understand our emotions and live in balance with our ego, we can be happier and begin living the life of our dreams.
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