Understanding happiness
- Written by Eric North aka “The Happiness Warrior”
For me, that happiness is defined as the joyful alignment of our authentic selves with our core values. Happiness is the embodiment and expression of our authenticity in our daily life and actions. Truth, intention, and empathy are the self-provided tools we all have within us to give us happier lives that we deserve.
When we give ourselves permission to live truthfully, we can finally know what happiness really feels like.
Happiness is something that’s embedded in the subconsciousness of all humans. It’s what gives us our humanity, yet so many of us struggle to be happy and lives their lives in difficult circumstances. We can feel stuck, and our personal happiness can be hard to find or believe in. We might even feel shamed into feeling guilty that we’re too happy!
While the world around us can make it easy to feel that we don’t deserve to be happy, happiness is always within us to reach for when we need it, regardless of external influences. When we can believe that we can be happy we can begin to live happier lives.
Happiness is a state of mind which is independent of external forces. Happiness flourishes when we can love and express who we truly are. I believe that feeling happy is in our natural state and a basic human right. When we’re happy, we want others to be happy, and happiness grows and expands. Happy people attract us with good vibration and draw us into their energy with a genuine smile or a kind word. Happiness is part of our human nature that makes us better. When humans are happy and aligned with each other the world is a brighter place.
When I was growing up, the happiest person I knew was my Aunt Nancy. Despite growing up with little money, and in difficult circumstances, she always maintained a happy disposition and cared more about the needs and happiness of others above herself. Growing up, I mostly felt out of place and disconnected from my peers. I was content in my own company, but I sometimes stuttered and was too shy for my own good. My Aunt’s visits, letters, and phone calls throughout my childhood were often what held me together and were my primary source of self-esteem. I could do no wrong in her eyes and she was usually singing and cheerful when we were together. We always felt like a team and my memories of her are filled with our magic and adventures. She was fearless in her actions and her nonstop efforts to help others made a difference. Wherever she went people sought her out and shared their lives and happy stories with her. She fearlessly advocated for the people who have always been forgotten and shoved aside. She lived her life with purpose and taught me the power of intention. My Aunt and I shared a bond, and with her unconditional love, I felt the courage that I needed to move forward and make something out of my life. I would not be the man I am today--let alone The Happiness Warrior--if it weren’t for her love and inspiration.
Aunt Nancy passed away in 2020 after a lifetime of good works and serving others, she will always be with me in spirit and intention.
Naturally happy people are always easy to spot. We see them every day, and sometimes wonder what it takes to live in such a happy state. Could there be happy genes? There are, happy people can even pass their “happy genes” down, through genetics.
Happiness can sometimes feel elusive, and our senses can feel numbed by trauma or crisis. Creating a happier life takes a conscious effort requiring mindfulness and consistency. Being happy may ask us to be harsh with ourselves to root out negative thoughts and behaviors. Breaking the cycle of unhappiness can feel a little scary at first, but when we keep driving forward, we find that happiness is right in front of us. Living a happier life doesn’t mean that we won’t occasional setbacks and crises. It means that we’ll be able to handle them better and react in ways that help us find solutions that we can live with and sleep well at night.
Happiness can grow, it can be learned, and it can spread to others. Happiness can be contagious and lifts the lives of others when hope seems lost. No matter where we are in life and no matter how far we feel we’ve fallen, there’s always a spark of happiness inside of us. We might feel unworthy of being happy at times, but it’s always there to bring us back to life at the time when it’s most needed. When we feel happy, we feel that our lives matter, and in that we find our purpose in life.
In my late thirties, I ended a turbulent and abusive ten-year relationship. By the end, I had completely lost touch with my innate sense of happiness and felt mostly anger, hurt, and confusion. I believed I deserved to suffer and felt self-imposed guilt and shame. I knew I could feel happy again, but I was suffocating in my own misery and finding it hard to break out.
One day a stranger in a coffee shop sat down next to me and struck up a conversation. I must have appeared sad because he said, “think of three things that make you happy and tell me how you feel?” I was somewhat taken back at first, but my intuition kicked in and I listened. I felt vulnerable, but sensed it came from kindness and decided to play along. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and thought of my three things. When I opened them, I had a smile on my face and felt happy. I thanked my new friend. It worked!
Once we learn to value who we are, we begin to feel happier from there, a small step until we can uncover our true nature and become our authentic selves. This creates the intention and momentum we need to move forward in life with a happier mindset. Learning to be happy is an integral part of our life’s journey in creating more peace and gratitude in our lives. We can never move forward until we’re at peace with ourselves. Happiness is the fuel that inspires our intention which creates the action needed to make our dreams come true.
When we are honest about who we are and can reveal our true nature, we can begin to create a landscape where happiness is part of every life experience, both the good and the bad in ways that we can appreciate and learn from. This can be thought of us living a flourishing life.
I believe that happiness is more than just a feeling, but a powerful and life-changing mindset that we all need. No matter how hard it might be to imagine for some of us, deep down I know that everyone can experience great feelings of happiness at some point in their lives. In our chaotic and sometimes upside-down world, happiness can seem like a luxury that we can’t afford. We’re continually programmed to hustle, and never taking the time that we need for ourselves to experience the simple joys in life. We tell ourselves we can wait for another time when we can be happy, but that time never comes. Any thoughts or brief moments of personal happiness are soon forgotten unless we believe in ourselves and our right to be happy.
I believe that happiness is a basic human right and one of the most important elements in our life’s journey. When we choose to give ourselves permission to be happy, we can begin to find our purpose and create the magical lives that we deserve. When we create greater happiness for ourselves, we can live our dreams and experience life as more than a mindless march through time, but a magical journey without limitations.
We can all aspire to be a spirit like my Aunt—we can all become our own Happiness Warrior!
Steps we can take right now to feel happier:
1. Smile. Even a “fake” smile makes us feel happier.
2. Exercise and make the mind-body connection
3. Sleep and rest are essential for happiness.
4. Focus on a nutrient dense diet and avoid unhealthy overly processed foods.
5. Be grateful for the little things, they quickly add up to more happiness.
6. Give a compliment and know the difference between “nice” and “kind”
7. Breathe deeply and stretch more, a flexible body is a flexible mind.
8. Acknowledge the unhappy moments, they teach us how to be happier.