As The Happiness Warrior, I can tell you that I’ve had my fair share of drama and trauma in my life. I’ve survived two abusive relationships, been stalked multiple times, assaulted with weapons, and a few other things that I’ve made my peace with, compartmentalized, and forgotten. Some of these events were terrifying, gave me nightmares for years, and even made me want to hurt myself. Trauma is real but why do we let it take up so much of our lives?
For way too long I allowed trauma to play a big role in my life. It was my identity in my loneliest moments and something that I could hold onto. Despite the great emotional and physical toil that it had on my spirit it was my story and I mistakenly thought it defined who I was. I was stuck in my memories, not very happy, and wasting my potential.
Time really does cure all wounds and I knew that I was fighting much needed change and reinvention. I began to see messages and signs in the world around me and for the first time in years I welcomed change with gratitude and hope. I remembered how to love myself again and found the emotional tools to survive and break the cycle of trauma and self-loathing. I began to thrive, alter my perception, and life opened again with an abundance of choices and possibilities.
From the chaos I found the gratitude that comes from learning who I really was. I broke down my inner rage and carefully laid defenses. I learned to give my life meaning once again and began to create happiness and became an advocate for the happiness and fulfillment in the lives of others. I rediscovered my spirit and learned to look at life with magic and optimism. I became a warrior in my mindset and guided by intention and authenticity. I’ve learned to accept my authentic being and live every moment with a sense of purpose and light. Life is serious business and understanding that we deserve to be happy and fulfilled is the root of our humanity and our ability to feel joy. Trauma can be written out of our story when we are able to see ourselves for who we really are and release its dark power. When we live in the light, we raise our vibration, and the lessons of the past create the path for the happy life we deserve.
I’ve always felt that the past is over with, something to be filed away in my memory, and not to be repeated. Why not live in the present and find joy in the promises and miracles of life that each new day brings us? Trauma is real and part of our story but why do we give it so much space and importance in our heads? It’s powerful, it shakes us to the core, and it teaches the poignant lessons that come with loss and suffering. As humans we are all born with some degree of resilience and how we take control of our lives and change our path to one of renewal and reinvention is our greatest story.
Trauma is the uglier cousin of drama and something that we give too much weight to in our lives. Life is scary for all of us at times, but when we choose to live in our trauma, we create a reality of fear, anxiety, and a cycle of needless suffering. Never forget the pain that it caused you and be mindful of the hard-earned lessons. Know that all bad things in life can be compartmentalized and gradually leave our focus. Learn to be happier in your ability to survive and succeed. Feel yourself rise with the energy of the universe to guide and protect your life journey.
One of my Happiness Warrior core values is to develop and maintain a mindset where “I’m ready for anything!” With this truth I can be more in control of happenings and events and react with wisdom and measure. Fear of the unknown is taught and glorified in this world, and we’ll be much happier when we change the dialogue in our minds and through our well thought out and capable actions. We can learn to bend and react with grace and dignity, or we screech and complain and decide not to move forward with our lives and live in the soul-destroying feeling of victimhood.
TALKING ABOUT TRAUMA
One of the things that trauma tends to do is to cause us to retreat and make our lives smaller. Our shame-based culture plays a huge role in how we deal with trauma in our society. Just the idea of speaking out and reliving one’s personal trauma can lead to even greater fear and alienation. Release yourself from these self-created bonds and let your ego rest!
From personal experience one of the best ways for me to process and eliminate my traumas was to speak with others with similar experiences. As soon as I realized that I was not alone in my struggles, much of my darkness lifted and I was able to smile and be happy again. We are all connected by energy and the power of the universe, and we are happier when we are united. Feel the joy that comes from being connected and valued!
Traumatized people often compartmentalize their feelings and feel unsafe in their bodies and lives. They’re experts at ignoring their feelings, intuitive thoughts, and subconscious emotions. They’re adept in numbing the pain of life and not living for their desires and aspirations. They’ve learned to hide from themselves. They see the world as limited and narrow rather expansive and welcoming.
Living with trauma means living with unresolved issues, incomplete problems, and futile questions. Free yourself by letting your emotions flow and a new beginning will emerge to guide and protect you.
Take the powerful step of telling yourself aloud that “I will not live in fear, my past doesn’t define my present”. As The Happiness Warrior, I believe that affirmations are powerful tools that are vastly unappreciated in our modern fast-paced world. Self-affirmation is the path to happiness and forgiveness.
FORGIVE YOURSELF FIRST
Trauma can play havoc on our confidence and self-esteem. The more pain that we feel the more trauma takes over our spirit and the harder it is to remove ourselves from this cycle. Mindset is everything and the longer we maintain a victim mindset the harder it is to grow and remove ourselves from the spiral of pain and despair.
The story of your present life and future dreams are still not written. The beauty of life lies in its imperfections and knowing that all knowledge comes from within. Turn your victim blaming past into a loving being who accepts life’s challenges and flows with the energy of the universe. When we learn to flow, we find that recovery is more aligned with our spirit, and we can find more happiness.
HEALING THE SPIRIT
Trauma brings with it a strong sense of identity and the emotional reliance on it can hinder the processing of our pain. Healing doesn’t need to fix the past but gives us the courage to move forward in our lives. Don’t get into the trap of blaming someone or something for our own struggles and telling ourselves that we are broken beyond repair. We are better than our adversaries and will always rise when we trust ourselves and know that we are perfect in the authentic version of ourselves.
There’s a capitalistic system built around the trauma industry and social media always plays a role. We need a new perception and less identification with the root cause of trauma. We are all unique in our capacity for resilience and complex beings with many layers of truth and subconscious thoughts.
Try to be conscious of where you are and let things unfold naturally. This is how we work with the universe and live by intention. Tell yourself that you don’t deserve to be hurt and suffer and make sure your thoughts are in alignment with your spirit. We all have work to do in our lives, but this mindset is crucial for happiness and finding meaning from the darkness.
The state of consciousness that you choose to live under will align with the energy of the universe. Low vibration thinking will always keep us in a cycle of dismay, fear, and despair. All humans have a natural energy flow and how we value and see it for the gift it really is how we advance and regain control of our lives. Stop imploding your life and watch your vibration rise!
CREATE A NEW REALITY
Your ego will get in the way, don’t let it control your life. Let go of your ego and dream of things that you used to think were impossible. Trust your inner voice to guide and lead you to a better place. Know in your heart that this is your path to a new reality. Trust the universe to provide you with answers and choices just as you need them. I always say that when I’m truly in the present the direction of my life journey is set for growth and change. I know that I am happier when I let go and trust the universe.
CREATING HAPPINESS FROM THE RUINS
Manifesting a better and happier future is not just wishful thinking. Manifestation is only our reality when we do the work, commit ourselves to change, and forgive ourselves so that we can act and create change. Understand the role that each play in our lives and the lives of others and align yourself with the energy of the universe. Watch your life change and your spirit rise. Learn to trust your inner voice and the lessons of the past. It can be a powerful reminder of why we can’t look back and how important forgiveness and perspective is for living a happier life.
Others will tell you that it’s hard or impossible, but they are only relaying their own fears and are irrelevant to our own experience. Ignore the negative people who are only trying to hold you back and live in the freedom of your own thoughts and expression.
LIVE IN THE PRESENT AND SAY GOODBYE TO TRAUMA AND STRESS
As humans we are resilient, and we can be strong and push through the toughest times. Life on the other side can be magical and filled with our intentions and dreams.
These are methods that I use to thrive in the upside-down, trauma filled, and ever-changing world:
1. Know that we aren’t always right and seek perspective.
2. Know that trauma is the only thing between you and happiness.
3. Stop telling ourselves lies to avoid our truth. The truth is who we really are, provides clarity, and gives trauma less power.
4. Act for the good of all and be purposeful in all actions. This is another of my Happiness Warrior Core values and one that was taught by a trusted mentor.
5. Take shame out of your thought patterns and trust your vulnerability to live in your truth.
6. Remove shame from your dialogue. Shame is created by others and is perhaps one of the most harmful behaviors that keeps so many of us from finding our potential.
7. Learn to look at challenges and obstacles as teaching moments. Instead of feeling defeated, think about what you can gain from the experience to make your life better.
8. Look for others with similar experiences and feel the healing power of community and connection.
Understand that trauma isn’t the same as discomfort or shock. Try pushing yourself a little further in unexpected situations and feel more in control of the situation. Test yourself and learn to trust and expand your resilience for greater peace of mind. Discomfort is often a sign of changes happening in our lives, it’s temporary but can spur us to move forward and create self-confidence to cope with the unknown.
Bad things are going to happen in life, usually by surprise, and when we’re least expecting it. With this knowledge we can understand better our ability to cope with trauma and allow ourselves to remove it from our thoughts and present experience. We must let go of things that impede us from getting what we deserve in our lives. Life goes on and our attitude and courage are what gets us through every obstacle and hazard in the game of life. No one ever said it was going to be easy but when we develop an attitude to see the good in even the worst times, we can be braver about exposing our vulnerability and taking risks that are paramount to living the life we deserve and dream about. Painful events aren’t permanent, but happiness can grow and expand the quality of our lives. From the destruction we can find our purpose and our mission.