It's Okay to Be Angry

As The Happiness Warrior, I believe there’s an important link between the balance of power that happiness and anger plays in our lives. I feel strongly that all humans have a right to be happy regardless of circumstances but there are times when it’s also okay to be angry at times!

Anger can destroy with abandon or when understood and used properly it can be focused to create the change that the world desperately needs right now. Anger is dangerous and hard to control or understand. It comes from our passion and ego and can often take over our consciousness. The truth is that we’re living in times when it’s hard not to be mad and a life filled with happiness can seem like a faraway dream.

Children are being massacred, hypocrisy from our leaders is the norm, and militarized weapons pose a threat to us all. We’re angry as a people and we know we’ve had enough. We’ve been gaslit, lied to, and encouraged to hate each other. When will we understand that our commonality, voices, and votes are more powerful than violence, intimidation, and loss of precious lives?
 
Anger is perhaps the most powerfully destructive emotion, but if focused and used for good it can be an agent for change and help us create more happiness and a better world. When we use our anger to make a difference we can rise and unite for the common good.

Words have power and now’s the time to speak our truth. Let people know that you’re angry and want to make the world a better place. Stop lying to yourself and give yourself permission to be honest and happier. Speak truthfully and let your voice be heard. Think of solutions that can help and make a difference. No matter how dim things look you will find happiness in your positive actions. Know this truth and find the courage to show up for your life and be your authentic self.

As hard as it is to admit, sometimes I get angry with the frustration of living in a country where we can’t seem to get along and are at odds with logic and sanity. Why are we so tribal and fearful of others? Is it merely our unresolved hurts from the past and selfish self-created emotions that keep us in this place? What makes someone hate another before they’ve even tried to get to know them? As humans it’s time to evolve and be kinder to ourselves. There’s never a problem until we create one through our fear of the unknown, learning something new, selfish behaviors, and anxiety in revealing our vulnerability.

Group thinking dominates the picture to keep us in control and conformity is a killer of dreams. Every one of us is unique and special in their own way. Why can’t we celebrate what we have in common and share our gifts with others without arousing the anger that comes from fear and shame?

PERCEPTION IS EVERYTHING

When I was young, I was intuitive and saw things for how they really were and observed the adults in my life closely. They said terrible things to each other, told obvious lies, cheated, and showed little empathy for others. Despite my environment I knew that it was wrong and that I didn’t belong. Fear of arousing scorn and anger kept me from speaking out, but I knew that it was not how I would live my life. Life in the South can be peaceful and bucolic but there’s always a foreboding sense of righteous anger, racism, misogyny, violence, and homophobia lurking beneath the surface.

By the time I was seventeen I felt very alienated and ran with a faster crowd. I was angry inside and realized that I was probably gay, but I had no one to talk or turn to for advice. By necessity, I developed a defensive shell to hide who I was and carefully hid my true nature. I was capable of being happy, but it was always cloudy and murky with dishonesty and self-deception. I was often angry because that’s what I saw in my place in the world around me. It would be easy to blame this sense of anger on my dysfunctional upbringing but if the truth were told I was mostly angry for being dishonest with myself. I believe that most of the anger we see in the world is caused by the lies we tell ourselves and I was one of them. I had fire raging within me that would dominate my life for many years.

BELIEVE YOU CAN BE HAPPY

Believe in yourself and your right to be happier. Start each day with a powerful affirmation and start living a happier life. I tell myself every morning that “I like everyone” and go about my day. It’s an unbeatable way to go through life and it has helped me spread more happiness, laugh often, and live without anger.

As a survivor from a long-term abusive relationship, trust in other humans is something I value even if it’s not returned. I’m happy, I don’t measure my worth by comparing myself to others, and I strive to make each day better than the last. I try to see other’s lives with perspective to be able to hear and understand them better. I try to be a good human because that’s who I am. Perspective is everything we need to see ourselves and others in a better light. It’s the beginning of understanding and changing our view of others to see the world with a brighter light. Perception is the way to raise our vibration and connect with others and see them in a different light.

No one is perfect, certainly not me. I’ve spent many lifetimes trying to make sense of my hurts and angers. Life doesn’t always give us an easy playing field and our challenges provide us with reality that comes when we learn our truths. We are the product of both of our greatness and our biggest faults. No one is better than anyone else, although the harsh world around us is always telling us otherwise. Why do so many of us live in fear and hatred of each other? Anger is the tragic force that keeps us from living happier lives. Anger can be fueled by others, but deep down we know it's a problem that’s uniquely our own.

LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE BEYOND YOURSELF

The way we perceive the world, and its realities drives our decision making, thought patterns, and actions. It’s the difference between seeing something and seeing something for what it really is. As humans each of us has a different life view, different memories, and different triggers for both positive and negative emotions. Our perspective defines our outlook and understanding of our place in the world and how we fit in.

There are many different perspectives, but the ability to take multiple perspectives is to see the truth in them and merge them together is the fundamental path to navigating reality. What we see is not always the truth until we examine it from all sides and points of view. It’s how we create our personal sphere— for how we relate to the world and create our intentional being through our subconscious thoughts and surface emotions.

When we align ourselves with the universe and follow the wisdom of our spirit and intuition, we can remember that we are better than our anger. We can flow with the lessons of the universe and finally realize our potential. There’s no need for anger when we free ourselves from our egos and listen to our souls.

PERSPECTIVE ISN’T PERMANENT

Our society is riddled with phrases of redemption and change of perspective, from the wise and true “every day is a chance for a new beginning” to insipid words such as “I’m a work in progress”. Although we all know this to be true, many of us revel in our stubbornness, fear, unwillingness to admit guilt and wrongdoing. Perhaps if we started telling the truth with fairness to both ourselves and others, we really can create a new beginning. A fresh slate to atone for the wrongs in our past. Forgiving ourselves first, before we make apologies is the salvation that we have such a hard time understanding. Truth is the root of our authentic being and finding our purpose in life. With truth we never have to remember our words, they flow with ease and knowing.

LEARN TO HATE BEING ANGRY

The angrier and more out of control the more we hurt ourselves.

The best way to process and understand anger is to realize that we are giving someone or something that isn’t important to us too much attention. Set a line that can’t be crossed, step back, and disengage. Time can heal as well as words. Turn anger into a quest to find the best solution. Envision the fair and happy outcome that serves everyone and work towards it. Keep your hands on the wheel and steer the course for the happy reality you envision. This always works and is a satisfying and self-esteem building way to create more life-mastery with more happiness and less anger.

Anger is an emotion that causes us much more harm than it’s worth. We all know the rush of endorphins that comes from reacting quickly and loudly. Often these words come out of our mouths without a single thought of their destructive power. Words have spirit and words can last forever.

-          Pause and think before speaking. Measured responses are signs of leadership, happier personalities, and good judgment. Raise your spirit and learn the value in this lesson.

-          Practice slow rhythmic breathing in stressful situations. I’ve made it through many desperate times by breathing and centering my emotions.

-          Go for a walk or a run outdoors.

-          I often use work to relax, productivity helps turn any bad mood around.

-          Know that every problem has a solution.

-          Speak truthfully.

-          Learn to be happier and minimize anger through the joy of making others happier.

-          If you don’t have a sense of humor, get one!

COMPARTMENTALIZE TO RE-ENGAGE

There are times when we’ve gone too far and hurt someone and ourselves too much. We don’t know what to say and we question our intellect and thinking. Angry wounds have a way of festering and communication grows harder and connections are frayed. Anger can be addictive and raise endorphins only to succumb to an emotional collapse. Know in your heart that you don’t deserve to feel this way and realize the truth. Every problem has a solution and listen to your intuition. There are people that are best kept out of our lives and remove yourself of guilt. They made their choices just as we have.

GUIDE TO RECONNECTING

1.       Meet on common ground, public or someplace where both parties feel protected and safe.

2.       Set some rules about the general discussion.

3.       Remember that you don’t owe anyone anything.

4.       Tell yourself that reconciliation is about you and feel your energy rise.

5.       Be conscious of your vibration, are you sincere and open-minded? Be honest before wasting everyone’s time and consciously focus on controlling ego.

We can learn to see anger for what it really is. A mostly selfish emotion that can cause great emotional and societal harm. Anger is personal and ego centered, it is not something to cherish or hold close to our hearts. It’s poison and a killer of our spirit. Life is much happier when we stop seeing others as the enemy and learn to find our common ground. The solutions to the world’s problems come from within our hearts. If we don’t like what we see out there we need to align ourselves with the good in our hearts and leave the darkness in the shadows of our past.

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