LOVE WHO YOU ARE
- Written by Eric North aka “The Happiness Warrior”
How many times in our lives have we heard someone say, “just be yourself?”. What does that even mean? How authentic of a version of ourselves are we comfortable with sharing? As the Happiness Warrior I want to show you how to take charge of your thoughts and mindset to create the authentic and happier life you’ve dreamed about. The kind of life where you can “just be yourself” every day.
I was raised in the South in the late 1970s and early 1980s and things like equality and acceptance were far off in the future. From an early age I knew I was different and was aware that others could feel it as well. My conservative parents were always concerned about appearances and would shame us if we crossed their well-defined line. Empathy and stories of happy families were something I read in books or saw on television and not found in my dysfunctional home. I was continuously unsure of myself and who I was supposed to be. I was sure my parents knew more than they let on, but to signal any acceptance was more than they were willing to give and more than I felt safe to reveal. So, I mimicked behaviors and developed an inauthentic and protective shell. I tried to play life by the “rules”, but I was often reckless, took risks, and was uneasy with my place in the world.
Survival was always on my mind, and I knew that “just being myself” was an impossible dream. In my mid-teens, I was confused with my sexuality and kept myself out of the spotlight and turned down opportunities and activities that might have been fun. I tried to play sports, joined the Boy Scouts, and did my best to fly under the radar. I developed an alternate version of myself and carefully disguised my true nature and desires. I measured how I spoke, who I associated with, and how I appeared in public. I spent so much time creating an inauthentic version of myself that I forgot who I really was. Pleasing others to conform to their expectations was a safer way to get through life in my shameful state. I was terrified that someone would see through my façade and call me out on my fictions and lies.
An enormous amount of energy could have been put to better use, but my fear of being myself was too strong. Fear of shame and judgment from others kept me from living my life fully. I held myself back from getting what I wanted in life, and I squandered my early potential.
When I finally graduated and left home, I was able to start the daunting process of figuring out who I was and what that meant. I still wasn’t comfortable with revealing myself, but it was the start of a long and enlightening journey to self-acceptance and discovery.
The social maxim “just be yourself” sounds empowering and uplifting, but it can be empty advice unless we’re willing to dig deep and see ourselves for who we really are. “Just being ourselves” takes on new meaning when we are secure with both the good and the bad in accepting our truths and abilities.
AUTHENTICITY FOR HAPPINESS
Happiness is a product of mindset, circumstances, happenings, and events in our lives. Greater happiness comes by creating a mindset for more happiness and sense of purpose. When we learn to love who we are, happiness becomes a way of life. We can take happiness and make it a constant in our lives when we are proud and not ashamed of who we are.
Nothing is more crucial to personal happiness than learning to be authentic and trusting our true selves. Authenticity comes when we can be honest about who we are, practice self-awareness, understand our weaknesses, and focus on what makes us unique. This can be both a painful and enlightening process, but the rewards are endless.
External sources of happiness are fleeting, but true happiness comes from believing in ourselves and allowing ourselves to live at our full potential. It takes self-awareness and personal discipline to truly understand who we really are.
Living our authentic selves comes when our lives align with our thoughts and actions. It goes beyond how we label ourselves and identifies who we are at the core. Being authentic means not caring about what others think about us but about what we believe in and stand for. This is easier said than done and might feel lonely and confusing at first, but it’s liberating in its manifestation.
When we’re able to see ourselves for who we are and create a feeling of acceptance we’re able to better help others find acceptance of themselves. When we are more secure and lessen our need for validation, our energy is freed for beneficial endeavors. This raises our vibration and connects us with others. The higher we raise our vibration the more truth in our thoughts and actions and the more authentic we are in our spirit and nourish our soul.
SELF-APPROVAL COMES FROM WITHIN
One of the greatest lessons to learn in life is to stop asking for or seeking approval from people who are unhappy. The only person who can truly validate us is ourselves. According to author and researcher Dr. Brene Brown, living authentically is “the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we actually are”.
Breaking through our protective walls will show us the way to the other side of life. The one where we’re happier and free to live with our truths and authenticity. If the last couple of years have taught us anything it’s the need to rely on our personal strength and resilience. The truth can be both difficult to bring to light, but it will truly set us free.
Too many of us have struggled to be something that we’re not for so long that we yearn to be our authentic selves. Give yourself permission to be happy with who you are and watch your dreams come true!
SELF LOVE
Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. It means taking care of our own needs and not sacrificing our well-being to please others. When we know who we are we are better able to help others.
It takes an unwavering sense of self-acceptance to be able to fully bond and connect with others. Until we love ourselves, we can never be a good friend to anyone, much less ourselves. Acceptance of ourselves is the path to living our lives with more empathy and passion. Love from others cannot replace the acceptance that we feel for ourselves. When we learn to love who we are, we can believe in our authenticity and acceptance of others. Empathy flourishes when we understand ourselves so we can accept others for who they are.
HOW TO START LOVING YOURSELF MORE TODAY:
1. Commit to giving yourself one treat or an activity that you enjoy every day.
2. Listen to and begin to trust your intuition. Intuition leads to intentional actions and self-validation.
3. Forgive yourself for the past and live in the present.
4. Accept and love who you are without the need for external validation.
5. Avoid and eliminate toxic people and situations.
6. Prioritize health and make the mind-body connection. Love your body as much as your mind.
7. Eat at regular times, stop skipping meals, eat smaller portions. Stop using the word “diet” and replace it with nutrition.
8. Breathe and stretch every day!
9. Make your bed every morning.
10. Get 20-30 minutes of direct sun every day.
11. Stop being cheap with yourself and occasionally indulge in something that makes you feel good. I believe rewarding myself for accomplishments gives me more integrity and feels more satisfying.
We can’t expect others to love who we are until we love and trust ourselves.
PRACTICE BEING UNHAPPY
We’re allowed to be unhappy too. It can even be good for us to allow ourselves to explore our feelings and feel down or sad for a period. Instead of masking periods of unhappiness with shopping, new cars, unhealthy relationships, and meaningless positivity it’s good to stop and take a moment to allow our unhappy feelings to release us from the pressure of being happy. It’s fine to be moody at times and let yourself feel unhappiness. This might be the time to start a difficult and painful conversation or even listen to sad music. Sadness can also help us bring more awareness of the fake things in life and identify fake happy people with their toxic positivity.
Unhappiness is never an excuse to hurt others or to dwell on it unnecessarily. If anything, unhappiness can motivate us to do something positive for ourselves or the world. Unhappiness is often the catalyst to living a happier and more fulfilling life with perspective and insight.
When we learn to love and accept ourselves our spirit grows. People with healthy life-affirming mindsets create healthy habits and practices:
1. They breathe and stretch their bodies.
2. They practice gratitude. Focus on being grateful for what you have rather than on what you don’t.
3. They realize that they are the company that they keep and surround themselves with good people.
4. They respect others, practice kindness and value empathy.
5. They take care of themselves. Warriors need to be ready for anything and taking care of our bodies and physical state is an indication that a person is happy with themselves. They set the example and have standards for themselves.
6. They follow their passions.
Life is too short not to feel good about who we are. It’s never too late and we’re never too old to change our path and raise our vibrations. We’ll never be happy if we’re living our lives for someone else. Life will have more beautiful moments of joy, love, and gratitude when we’re willing to show up for ourselves and let the world know who we are!