FREEDOM FROM FEAR
- Written by Eric North aka “The Happiness Warrior”
Everything you want is on the other side of fear—Jack Canfield
Most of us have been paralyzed or shocked with strong feelings of fear at times in our lives, a feeling of helplessness and confusion that can intensify the worst of our emotions. Fear can cause us to shut down, lose control of ourselves, hurt others, and hinder our personal growth. Fear is a killer of dreams that leads us on a lonely path. Fear keeps us from moving forward and living life to the fullest.
Fear can best be defined as an anxious feeling caused by anticipation of some imagined event or experience. Like most self-created emotions, fear has many downsides. By turning fear around, we can use it as a tool to learn about ourselves, build self-esteem, and change future outcomes. Fear holds us back and keeps us from learning who we really are. Fear is there to protect us from potentially dangerous situations, but it also stalls us from overcoming our insecurities and moving forward with life. Fear provides us with information, how we acknowledge and accept that information is the difference between an ordinary life or extra-ordinary life.
In my younger years, I was often afraid of revealing my sexuality and creative nature. At the time I thought I was protecting myself, but it always kept me from being who I really was. I would go to great lengths to cover up and conform to my environment and expectations. I tried to blend in and survive until that day when adulthood would give me freedom. I tried to appear happy, but in my subconscious, I was angry and withdrawn. I developed a thick skin that I thought was impenetrable, but the reality was that I was unhappy with myself for lacking the courage to discover my authentic self. My fear of rejection and shame only heightened my sense of vulnerability and kept me quiet. Fear crushed my self-esteem and is something I still think about today. It fuels my motivation to help others live less happier lives with confidence in their truths.
It took many years with bouts of self-destruction, but I broke myself down and began to see my fears as obstacles that I could conquer. I began the process of forgiving myself for the past and focusing on being authentic to my nature. Slowly, I began to remove my old fears and absolve myself from self-created and imagined shame. I met role models who were proud of who they were and helped me to see a different future. When I was able to leave fear behind, I began to respect who I was and live in a world of my own creation.
The journey wasn’t easy, but eventually happiness began to feel normal. My fear that others would discover who I really was had kept me from living my life at its fullest. Understanding fear helped me to become my authentic self.
It’s hard to be happy when we’re constantly worrying about what others think of us and unknown events that are yet to come.
TYPES OF FEAR
There are five types of basic fears:
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Extinction: the fear of annihilation and ceasing to exist. This type of fear is our fundamental way of staying safe in a potentially dangerous situation. In this case, fear can teach us to overcome obstacles and move forward with a happier outcome.
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Mutilation: the fear of losing a body part.
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Loss of “freedom” or autonomy (this is a very common fear in current environment): when we fear a loss of control of our body or environment.
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Separation, rejection, and abandonment: this strikes to the core of our self-esteem.
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Ego-death: the fear of humiliation or shame that threatens the loss of our integrity and authenticity. Shame is another killer of dreams. Shame and fear work together to destroy creativity and inner strength.
FEARING HAPPINESS
As improbably as it seems, there are people who fear happiness. When we fear happiness, we’re often afraid to give ourselves permission to be happy. This is often translated as “we don’t deserve to be happy”. As The Happiness Warrior, I believe that the first step to being happier is to give ourselves permission to be happy. Switching to this mindset is both life-affirming and life-changing. Self-esteem and self-awareness grow, and we begin to take pleasure and comfort from simple things. As this feeling grows, it becomes easier to find happiness in our daily lives and feel more joy and fulfillment. Intentionally spending time with happy people is a good way to understand that most of our fears are meaningless.
Fear of happiness is usually a product of low self-esteem. When we don’t feel good about who we are we often question if happiness is deserved. Everyone deserves to be happy, and that happiness is a basic human right. When we can realize that self-doubt is self-created negative emotion based on external sources and irrational fears, we can begin to thrive in ways that we’ve never dreamed about.
People who’re able to overcome fear often describe it as flipping a switch in their brain. This ability to compartmentalize and understand fear is one of the keys to becoming a fully functioning and self-aware human. When we change our internal dialogue, we can change our lives and expectations.
Fear is a self-created and negative emotion that is not based in any reality.
There are dangerous situations that fear helps us process and understand. Far too often, we imagine possibility of danger, and by focusing on it, we magnify it and cause it to expand until fear takes over our consciousness. By doing so we create situations and anxiety that never needed to happen.
FEAR MAKES US ANGRY
Fear is often the basis of anger. We see fear driven violence and anger every day on the news and in our communities. Racism, intolerance, and fear of the unknown lower our vibration and becomes the source of much unnecessary unhappiness. Religious bigotry is the perfect example of ego-driven fear. “My god is better than your god” is a common part of our experience and drives us further apart.
A recent study identified feelings between fear and happiness and found that people with depression often steered away from social activities. A spiral develops in which social withdrawal correlates with worries that happiness will inevitably lead to disappointment.
When we’re angry and paralyzed with fear, we become unreachable and alone. Do you consider yourself an introvert when in fact you may just be succumbing to fear? It’s very easy to label ourselves as something that we’re not to avoid confronting fear.
When we are present and living in the moment, we’re able to feel happiness and live life without fear. When we fully embrace these happy times by remaining present and engaged, we can better set our intention for the life that we dream about.
Happiness is not a limited resource and it’s not a destination. Embrace the journey and fully savor those moments of happiness that make life beautiful and enjoyable.
OVERCOMING FEAR FOREVER
Fear is a mind-killer—Frank Herbert DUNE
As The Happiness Warrior, I use tools to help me overcome my personal fears to make them smaller and go away. My process is very simple and direct. I verbally acknowledge anything that feels threatening and say it aloud. When we state the fear and make it tangible its power is immediately lessened. This helps to compartmentalize the fear and it becomes smaller and less significant. I believe that words have spirit and energy. Using this process also helps us to master other life events. When we’re in control of our thoughts and impulses we make decisions based on logic and reason. With this mindset, we learn to conquer fear and live life on our own terms.
STEPS FOR OVERCOMING FEAR
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Learn more about your fear: When we turn toward our fear rather than avoid it, we can begin to see the fear for what it really is and make it smaller.
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Imagine the outcome in a positive way. Use imagination to create a solution in your mind where everyone feels satisfied and respected. Visualization is a very important tool for conflict resolution. It allows us to maintain our power and rise above negative forces.
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When fear begins to rise, think of a happier place or a puzzle that you need to solve. With this approach anxiety lessens and fear is diminished.
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Rate your fear level on a scale of one to ten. The best thing for a panic attack is to regain control by breathing and exhaling deeply. Counting aloud is the way to get into the zone.
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Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the process of becoming the most the most truthful version of ourselves in both our conscious and subconscious thoughts and actions. Mindfulness comes from within and is independent of external sources. Mindfulness sets our compass on our journey through life.
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Spend time in nature. Physical activity changes our brain chemistry and nature is a drug that calms us down and helps us decompress. Let your guard down and hug a beautiful tree. I’d rather be caught hugging tree than yelling at someone irrationally in public!
The more we can understand our fears, the more we can control them and find more happiness in our lives. When we see fear as information rather than an evil force, we can align ourselves with our true purpose and live our lives fully as they were meant to be!