THE HAPPINESS WARRIOR: HELP IS ALL AROUND US
- Written by Eric North aka “The Happiness Warrior”
“Everyone needs help from everyone” -- Bertold Brecht
Someone close to me recently “there’s always someone out there to help” or to quote the Bible “seek and you shall find”. As the Happiness Warrior, I believe that there’s always someone there that can help you, who wants to help you, and feels good about helping. This is true for everyone one us, no matter who you are or how independent you may be. This year has made it more clear to me than ever that asking for help and providing help is the key to creating the means to move forward as we learn to reinvent ourselves and adapt to a greatly changed world. I want to help you realize that no matter how difficult the situation and how hopeless you might feel that there’s always someone out there who wants to help you, even when your emotions have taken over and you feel stuck and all alone. This is the year that we’ve all learned that helping each other is more important than ever!
The three words “I need help” can be a difficult phrase for many us to say (or admit). As humans, we are social beings that have survived and evolved through cooperation. However, modern life provides us with a deeply ingrained individualistic belief system that tells us that we’ll be a burden to others if we ask for help and that “going it alone” is noble and should be celebrated. That “going it alone” belief system can make us feel lonely, alienated, fearful, and unproductive. This inability to move forward will also create more negative emotions and feelings of negative self-worth.
This cycle continues until we reach a low point and realize that not being able to ask for help is keeping us from moving forward in life. By not asking for help, we continue in a cycle of self-defeating emotional drama simply because we just can’t give ourselves permission to ask for help!
When we learn to ask for help, we discover that there are many people out there who will answer. Asking for help is how we grow and show our strength. It helps us break through self-imposed barriers to better versions of ourselves. By asking for help you’ll be able to show a sense of wisdom and vulnerability that creates trust and cooperation. Asking people for help also demonstrates your respect and can make them feel happy. Most importantly, asking for help strengthens communities and relationships.
Some of my greatest mistakes in life were from not asking for help even though I knew it was available. Not asking for help provided me with some of my most important and painful life lessons. As painful as these lessons were, I learned from them and became a better leader and member of society by understanding the importance of being able to ask for help. Not asking for help sets us up for not reaching our full potential. One thing to say to yourself is “I don’t know everything” and realize that there’s always someone out there who will feel appreciated and valued when you ask them for help.
Someone with the ability to able to ask for help demonstrates personal strength, self-awareness, humility, integrity, and courage. Great leaders know how to build teams and find the right help to accomplish their goals. Every major human accomplishment has been achieved by helping each other.
WHY IT’S GOOD TO ASK FOR HELP
As the Happiness Warrior, I want to show you how giving yourself permission to ask for help will make you stronger in life, feel more capable, and help you feel happier. We live in a society where we’ve been conditioned to perceive asking for help as a sign of weakness or being a burden, but nothing could be further from the truth. Asking for help shows strength, confidence, resourcefulness, and courage. Asking for help gives us solutions, helps us move forward, and creates opportunities.
Here are some ways that asking for help can make you stronger and happier:
1. Asking for help from others can help you move forward better and faster. Make sure to ask for help from people with the knowledge, skills, and connections to help increase your learning and progress. They can introduce you to new materials, information and other people that might be able to help you progress.
2. Asking for help will increase your growth mindset. Use the principle of momentum, once you begin you won’t stop until you complete your goal. Asking for help reinforces this in your actions and results.
3. Asking for help increases your community connections. Create more meaningful and connected relationships. This strengthens connections and satisfaction for all parties. This helps to create happier and supportive relationships.
4. Asking for help increases gratitude. Gratitude increases when you receive help that produces results. Gratitude causes our lives to expand.
5. Asking for help makes others happier. The happiest people are generally those who are disposed to helping others. When people are helpful they’re able to see the direct result of helping others by using their experience and knowledge.
6. Asking for help means that you’re leaving your comfort zone and exploring new paths and opportunities. We can only grow when you’ve figured out how to properly ask for and receive help. People will want to help you more when they see that you’re pushing your limits and striving for more out of life.
7. Asking for helps you cross the breaking point. When you ask for help you’ll be able to focus on what you do best and learn what you’re capable of.
8. Asking for help allows for different perspectives You can generate fresh ideas and move forward with a new strategy and a clearer path to accomplishing your goals.
9. Asking for help is a way to help build and show others that you trust their ideas and opinions. This is a great way to create individuals and teams that you can rely on.
HOW TO ASK FOR HELP THE RIGHT WAY
There’s always someone out there who wants to help you, but understanding how best to receive help is a very important lesson:
1. Believe in yourself and understand how asking for help can help you achieve your goal.
2. Take the risk of asking. Are you afraid of hearing no, or being judged?
3. Be thoughtful about how to ask.
4. Be specific and make your needs as clear as possible.
5. Can you help me? This question will show your vulnerability. Most people want to help and will be less likely to turn you away when you ask as a question. Even if they can’t help you they’re more likely to be kind and help suggest others that might be able to assist you better.
6. Show that you’re willing to help others yourself.
THE WRONG WAY TO ASK FOR HELP
Asking for help should always be done with respect and good intention and doing any of these will make others reluctant to help you:
1: Emphasizing how much the other person will enjoy helping you.
2. Portraying the help you need as tiny or insignificant.
3. Reminding people that they owe you.
4. Talking too much about how much their help will benefit you.
5. Entitlement, you are owed nothing.
“Be present in all things and thankful for all things.” Maya Angelou
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