LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
- Written by Eric North aka “The Happiness Warrior”
As The Happiness Warrior I believe that love and being in love is at the core of what it means to be human. We all want love, most of us don’t understand it, and most of the time we don’t even realize when we have it.
I remember every second of the first few minutes when I met my husband in person. I remember the intense never before felt feeling of bliss that went through my mind when he first put his arms around me. In those first few seconds even before our first kiss I knew that this was “the one”. Our passion was instinctive and primal. My instinct told me that this was going to mean something before I had time to draw another breath. I wanted to stay in this moment forever before real life stepped in and tried to draw us apart.
My intuition is my guiding force in all things and this time it was ringing through my head, this is the real love I’ve always been searching for.
We had met online and had spent three weeks virtually getting to know each other before we would be able to meet. On these early summer mornings, he was the first person I thought about when I opened my eyes and the last, I thought about before I went to sleep. I would wake up extra early to start messaging him and we would go on for hours. Slowly we were getting to know each other, and I was courting on the web for the first time!
Finally, the night of our first date approached and I drove the forty miles or so to meet him at his place. I had fantasized that he was my dream man, and I was a little nervous but more excited to meet him. At first glance he was everything I imagined and more. It was just approaching sunset and he put his arms around me. We held each and made out for over an hour without moving. Time was irrelevant, I knew that this was where I belonged and that I could die happy in his arms. We barely knew each other but he made me feel safe and protected in a way that I had always longed for.
My mind was in the present and my soul felt alive and in the back of my head I knew that I would love him someday with all my heart. I know without a doubt that love at first sight and touch is real. I know the ecstatic happiness that comes in that moment is one that I love to share and will never forget. Fifteen years later when I feel frustrated, unheard, or just need his attention I think of that first kiss, and I know that all will be well and that I know he’ll be there.
There are many kinds of love, but in my experience the most precious and the hardest to keep alive is the love that comes when you know you’ve met the one and you’re bursting with energy and a sense of well-being. Love is hard and not easy to hold, we must work at it and never let go of our intention and focus.
I believe in love at first sight, not lust, real love that comes from a deep source of intuition and knowing. Love is hard to define, but I believe that when we’re honest and listen to our inner voice, finding love and ways to love more is at the heart of our human existence. Love is pure and honest and always finds a way to bring us to a higher place. Love can also be painful, unrequited, and yes, feel like a battlefield in which we’re always chasing the win. But if we play the game correctly and align with our core values, we can find love that brings us joy and happiness. Humans are programmed to connect with each other when we find love, we find the peace and joy that intimacy with another human being can bring us.
LOVE CAN FIND US AT ANY AGE
When I was forty-two, I was at the height of my corporate business career and a personal trainer. I was in great shape, the top agent in my office, and miserable in the waning stages of the second abusive relationship. I was unhappy at home but the top producer in my office. I used my unhappiness to drive my ambition and earn my place in the world. If I couldn’t be my best in my abusive relationship, I would be my best in every other aspect of my life. I deserved better and I knew that I wouldn’t give up.
I believe that my parents loved each other at times in their marriage. They were both attractive and charming people and looked great together. There was a lot of passion and fighting which also mirrored itself later in my early relationships. Drama at home is something that would come up at random times and it seemed like a normal part of life. Many of us mirror our own relationships on what we’ve experienced in our families and people who are closest to us.
DEFINING LOVE
Love is a great force which fills us all with unbound energy, happiness, and pain. It’s both powerful and mysterious. Love is strong and love can tear us down. We all define love differently, to suit our experience, and everyone's experience with love is so personal it is naive to think there is one definition. Ignoring the feelings of love will only make us feel more pain and sorrow that comes from poor choices and harbored regrets.
Our innate power of intuition is a guide that can give us more truth and opportunity to find the most authentic consummate and romantic love. Being able to identify the types of love is valuable way to understand and be more authentic with our behavior and emotions:
· Infatuation: passion only.
· Friendship: intimacy only.
· Empty love: commitment only.
· Romantic love: passion and intimacy.
· Fatuous love: passion and commitment.
· Companionate love: intimacy and commitment.
· Consummate love: passion, intimacy. commitment. This is idealized love with an optimal balance of each partner’s needs.
IS THERE A PERFECT LOVE?
Most of us are programmed to think that there is an ideal situation where you continue having great sex with your partner, are each other's best friends, and never relent on your decision to spend your lives together. We can’t live by the values set by others and each marriage or relationship needs its own ever-changing rules and boundaries. My husband and I continue to have great sex and intimacy after fifteen years together, but this takes commitment and trust. We understand that each of us will experience growth phases that might pull us apart, but intimacy, trust, and pride in each is what keeps us together even when we’re on different paths.
Life is about balance and optimizing our health and happiness. Sex and love are a cornerstone of a happy existence and essential for a healthy and vigorous relationship or marriage. Consummate love can fill us with energy but there is always the challenge of keeping it fulfilled and healthy. My husband and I don’t need to tell each other we love each other every day, but we make a physical connection with a passionate hug every morning. So important and it feels amazing!
LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE
When we can learn to forgive and let go of our past hurts and sorrows, we can be ready to find real love. We must trust ourselves and our intuition and remove the negative thoughts and paradigms from old relationships. Love can’t survive if it doesn’t live in the present, the past is never coming back, and the future is unknown and magical in its mystery and dreams. When we listen to our inner voice with a sense of self-awareness and self-respect love rises to a higher level and the connection between two people is a deeply entwined spirit of belonging and peace. Think about who you’re closest to right now and ask yourself if your spirits are connected? The answer will come in the blink of an eye, is this your truth?
LOVING OURSELVES AND CONFRONTING DEMONS
As my husband and I began our relationship I was still dealing the damage from my past abusive relationships. I was untrusting and cold at times and let the ugliness of jealousy rear its ugly head. I let past hurts from other people into my mindset and into my present relationship. I knew it was making me crazy and I often felt myself in a downward spiral. I knew that jealousy was killing my spirit as well as my relationship. For our marriage to survive I would need to take a stand and face some painful truths. So, I began to look at my wounds and talk them out, often just to myself. I confronted my old fears and said them aloud. My demons began to disappear, and I began to feel self-confident and able to love myself. Jealousy became something that I could compartmentalize and make smaller. Self-created emotional wounds are often the saddest and we deserve better for our lives. I did this because I knew that I needed to love myself to help my love and relationship survive.
MEANINGFUL LOVE AND COMMITMENT
No marriage or relationship is perfect. Mine has its high points which I’m proud of, but it’s also had its lows. It takes self-discipline, respect for your partner, and the ability to give up and compromise to find alignment and contentment with each other. Despite its flaws, we've built a foundation and every day we can choose to add another brick and make it stronger, more loving, and make it last.
Love is so easily lost and taken away, if you know that you’ve found “the one” make sure to understand how much it means to you and never let go. Love is too powerful and life-changing to miss out on because we’ve let our ego and past hurts rule our minds. Love needs to live in the present with love for ourselves and gratitude for the love of another. Never take it for granted or it will be gone!
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