THE COMPANY WE KEEP
- Written by Eric North aka “The Happiness Warrior”
The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best — Epictetus
As The Happiness Warrior, one of my guiding rules is to surround myself with people who motivate me, make me feel happy, and inspire to be my best. My friends, colleagues, neighbors, and mentors are all people that I admire and respect. They lift me up me up when I need it and help me grow and stay true to myself. They don’t judge or shame, but consistently provide a place of empathy where everyone feels valued and respected. Our friendships and relationships shape our lives, determine our happiness, and help us raise our vibration. We can see ourselves for who we are by looking at the people in our life. They are our “chosen family”.
When we have good role models and people who support our dreams and ideas we can rise from our ordinary existence and be true to our authentic selves. No human can go through life alone and we need healthy relationships to thrive, be happy, and support our communities. The people we choose to associate with tell us who we are and provide a window into our lives. When we make good choices in our relationships, we have better choices and opportunities.
We become happier when we surround ourselves with friends who motivate us to grow and succeed. Our existence and happiness rely on the health of our interactions and relationships with others. Healthy relationships help us to find the balance and momentum we need to get the most out of life. We cannot be happy alone. The people in our lives have a direct impact on our personal growth and understanding of the world around us.
We see ourselves and see ourselves in others by the company that we keep. The people in our lives shape who we are and how we are perceived by others.
Happiness is something we control in our lives. Yes, we can choose to be happy, but there are also many contributing factors that we sometime take for granted. Creating a happier life takes commitment as well as self-awareness of how we move through life and the relationships we build.
Beneficial and empathetic relationships are more than just the key to personal happiness, they contribute to our overall well-being. When we don’t pay attention to our relationships, we lose our connection to ourselves, and we will never be our best or as happy as we could be.
When I was younger, I struggled with self-esteem. I never felt like I fit in with any group and my few friends were loners like me. I grew up in an environment where I was often shamed for thinking outside of my family’s narrow view of the world. I rarely shared my inner thoughts with others and was shy and withdrawn. It made me distrustful of strangers, so I ultimately fell in with a bad crowd in high school. I knew it was wrong, but I liked the attention and the danger. I don’t remember being particularly happy, but for a short time I felt like I belonged. I knew that I was going down the “wrong path” without anyone to stop me. Luckily Fate intervened and my Grandparents moved nearby at just the right moment. My Grandmother had always been my biggest supporter and I was happy spending time with her and my quiet, hardworking, farm-raised Grandfather.
Their influence and lessons gave me the security and confidence that I badly needed at the time. Making them proud of me became a mission that gave me a purpose and turned my life around.
I believe that when we choose the wrong path, the universe has a way of correcting us!
SEEK FRIENDS THAT RAISE YOU UP
Our relationships have an impact on our thinking, self-esteem, success, decision-making, and how we care for ourselves. Research shows that people in groups tend to think alike and exhibit the same prejudices and judgments of others. When seeking better relationships remember that:
1. Happiness and positivity are magnetic. Smiles are contagious. Even a “fake” smile can make us feel happier.
2. Successful people have a happier, healthier, and more positive approach to life.
3. Happy people inspire you and you inspire them.
4. Being with other happy people is good for the soul and lifts our vibration.
5. Gratitude is everything. Successful and positive people practice gratitude and humility.
6. Happier people tend to take better care of themselves.
HOW TO FIND THE RIGHT FRIENDS
The people that we are closest to are our greatest influences. It affects how we think, make decisions, our morality, behavior, and self-esteem. We become the collective personality of those that we are closest to. Their spirituality, mental health, and interests become ours and we in term shape their lives. We influence and are influenced by those we are closest to.
Positive friends lift us up through:
-Encouragement
-Positive influence
-Focus on out gifts and what makes us special
-Support us when we’re feeling down
-celebrate our victories as well as support us through our failures.
HOW TO IDENTIFY TOXIC FRIENDS
We all have people in our lives that we know are not good for us and try to avoid. We might feel empathy for them and wish them well, but we know that at some point they will cause trouble in our lives. At the least, they distract us from our positive and productive habits. They’re the people that make fun of us when we exercise, eat healthy, or take control of our lives. They are usually stuck in the past and unwilling to let go. Toxic people are focused on the negative and never move forward without taking someone down with them. It’s impossible for toxic people to share your joy or triumphs.
To go forward in life with a happier outlook it’s important to identify who we can let go and who we should keep:
1. Learn to identify toxic behavior. The first step is recognizing that someone’s behavior is harmful to you. They can be manipulative and selfish, difficult to please, and unappreciative when you’re try to help. They complain rather than offer suggestions or assistance.
2. Toxic people don’t want you to escape and will cling to you if they find you useful. Learn to say no. Saying out loud “this makes me uncomfortable” or “you’re making me uncomfortable”. Even if they don’t listen it’s important to have a voice before walking away.
3. Set boundaries and keep them. The best way to get rid of someone who can’t listen to know is to stop responding. The surest way to keep a stalker active is to answer their phone call or text. If you answer after one hundred calls, they will not give up and will start all over again. I’ve found that changing someone’s name in my address book to “Don’t answer” or “NOPE” makes it much easier to make a clean break.
4. Don’t let your natural sense of kindness intervene. Toxic people see kindness as weakness. Be fair but firm. Don’t lower yourself to their level. Losing our temper is fuel for a toxic human and they will use it to stay in control.
5. Understand that your job is not save people!
6. Know that when a relationship is over, it’s over
7. Understand that a breakup is the end. No going backwards and revisiting the past. Forgive yourself first and move forward.
The first thing that anyone needs to do before making better relationships is to be a “true friend to yourself”. When we feel good about who we are, others are attracted to our energy and vitality. Be the person that you want to be and change the world for the better by your actions. Align with others that are doing good in their lives and watch your life become the magical journey that it’s meant to be. Good vibes come from a good heart!
