There’s an old phrase that we’ve all heard at one time or another, “God only gives us what we can handle”. At first it sounds reassuring and can make us feel noble, but the underlying message is that suffering is part of some cosmic plan, something we deserve, and not some random act of chance. As the Happiness Warrior I believe that the universe brings both good and bad events into our lives. These lessons come just when we need them to teach us the skills we need to move forward and live our authentic lives with a sense of self-mastery.

At times life can be shocking, feel violent, and scary but if we can train our mindset to understand that these are external events that we can overcome, we can better find the internal strength and create our personal core values that increase our happiness and self-esteem. We can choose to be victims, or we can use our calamities and adversities to increase our self-awareness, harness our intention, and find happiness as we push through the darkness and into the light.

Everyone at some point in their lives will encounter an event or series of events that can feel overwhelming and upset even the happiest of lives. I always say that “life happens”, and how we accept it, understand, and process these events can make all the difference in overcoming these seemingly overwhelming obstacles. As The Happiness Warrior, I believe that our personal happiness is less of choice in these times of reinvention, but something that can evolve and grow as we work on ourselves. This helps us to understand why things happen and the meaning this gives to our existence. The game of life is always challenging us but with this mindset we can move forward with a greater sense of purpose, gratitude, self-esteem, and increase feelings of happiness.

There are many times in my life when I’ve said to myself “I’ve never worked this hard in my life”. I’ve said it as a young man when I worked several jobs to pay for college, I said it later in my corporate career, and I again when I became an entrepreneur (repeatedly). This past month has been one of the most difficult in my life and one that I will never forget. At the start of the month, I underwent a major 4-hour surgical procedure requiring a lengthy twelve-week recovery time. After surgery, I was temporarily disabled and unable to walk without crutches. It has tested my resolve and made me feel more powerful. I’m working hard on regaining full mobility. I’m consciously focusing on healing and learning new internal tools that I can use forever.

A week after my surgery I was feeling good and hopeful about my recovery. The same afternoon, my beloved Pitbull Junior broke his leg and was rushed to the emergency hospital. They took away his pain and did a set of x-rays that showed a multiple fracture as well as troubling signs of a canine sarcoma. In an instant my perspective changed.  I knew that I would survive and grow strong again, but my dog needed my love and care. My heart was broken but I needed to be strong. His rear leg was to be amputated and his life would be changed forever. It’s hard to feel happy when we feel broken, but every day in his recovery is another day to share our love and appreciate the time we have. When we can live in the present, we can always be better and find happiness when we least expect it.

I always thought that despite our dreams and intentions bad things can happen to the most innocent people. There’s no blame, there’s no shame, we’re just humans trying to make the best out of our lives.

Nothing is forever and change is infinite. How we cope and thrive is how we help others to share and release their grief and rise again. Our connection provides the purpose and foundation that we need to grow, learn, and gain wisdom.

How to Gain More Perspective and Process External Events:

1.     We’re in control of our mindset, we can’t let external events affect our happiness and intention. Listening to our intuition is often a way to begin the process of renewal and redemption. Outside influences only affect us when we let our insecurity and egoistic impulses back in. Most people only view the world from their own perspective and we can rise above it.

2.     Wisdom comes from self-awareness. Self-awareness is not a destination but a life-long process of learning and introspection. It can be a magical journey that takes years of reflection, perspective taking, listening, observing, and self-discovery.

3.     Take personal responsibility for all thoughts and actions. Admitting to our mistakes and errors of judgement is the way to be happier with who we are. People who live authentic and true lives are always able to forgive themselves and take accountability for future actions.

4.     Learn the happiness that comes when we give ourselves the ability to love what we’re doing right now, not what you might do in the future. Too often we put our present needs aside in hopes of a future that might not ever happen. I often remind myself that this could be my last day on earth and how grateful I am to be alive at that moment. This also helps me to slow down and appreciate what’s good in my life.

5.     You create an intentional vision and take action to make it manifest. When we believe in ourselves and visualize what we want in life we create the intentional mindset that’s essential for creating the lives that we deserve and dream about!

6.     Our perception is not the truth. Our perception of others and their view of us is completely biased. Creating a greater sense of self-awareness is to learn to live at peace with who you are and find greater happiness from within.

7.     Happiness is our own responsibility. No one can make us happy, if we want to live happier lives, we can do the work that’s needed to get there. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, take small steps over time, on a regular basis, and enjoy the results. This is a great way to forget and forgive your old self and enjoy who you are today.

No one wants to be hurt or broken hearted, but how we hold ourselves and face our adversities is the course we need to take to feel happy again. Knowing ourselves should be a priority that will help give us more clarity and connect with others on their journey.